


Aphelion

by forgetcanon



Series: and love was their savior [4]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 07:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3720286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetcanon/pseuds/forgetcanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The point in the orbit of a planet, asteroid, or comet at which it is farthest from the Sun.</p><p>Bastila kisses a Sith lord.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aphelion

Bastila tried to suppress her emotions as she lead Vasha into the empty quarters they shared with Mission. With Vasha’s perception it was impossible for the older woman to miss her tension, even without the Force bond connecting them. But Bastila had to try. She had to control herself. She had to end this.

“What is this about?” Vasha asked, as though nothing was wrong. Perhaps she meant to be kind, by making Bastila explain herself.

“In our time together,” Bastila began. Speaking was rather like pushing a bolder uphill. “You have been… supportive, when I have been weak. Understanding, when I have been overbearing. Friendly, when perhaps I did not welcome it—"

Vasha’s eyebrows slowly climbed higher. 

“Don’t look at me like that!” Bastila snapped. “Oh, blast, this is harder than I thought it would be."

“Well, since you wrote a poem about it…" Thankfully, Vasha sounded only _slightly_ amused. Bastila ignored her comment and pressed on.

“I have come to care for you,” Bastila managed. And she stopped there, because Vasha looked far too _understanding_. The amusement had slid off her face, to be replaced by compassion and something far, far warmer. The words Bastila had planned to say thawed on her tongue. 

“And I you."

Vasha reached out her hand. She gently brushed Bastila’s cheek. Her callouses were rough, but the gesture was unexpectedly soft. 

She had seen the way Vasha flirted with Carth. She had witnessed them kiss more than once. Vasha kissed like she did anything else- teasingly, with a giggle, or else giving it her all. Sometimes both at once. 

Bastila had wondered, in the dark spaces of night when she was too tired to school her thoughts, what it might be like.

She had wondered what might happen if Bastila gave in, or if Vasha decided to press the issue- what would it be like, to be kissed by Vasha? What would it be like, to have Vasha’s hands in her hair, to have Vasha’s lips on hers? What would Vasha’s body feel like against her own? Would it be like sparring? Would it be like the romance holos that the younglings passed around in secret?

Bastila’s lips trembled. She was so close to getting her answer.

Vasha slowly moved in closer. Her arm bent as the distance between them shortened. Bastila’s trembling spread to her hands. She didn’t know what to do. She should stop her.

Vasha waited until they were practically toe to toe before she paused. “Bastila, are you all right?"

 _Passion!_ a distant part of her bleated. _Use your head, Bastila! Giving into_ this _is the first step! This is wrong! You_ know _who she is!_

Bastila’s mouth opened. “I…”

Of all the things she ever imagined, Vasha hesitating was not one of them.

“Do you want this?” Vasha pressed. “Have you thought about this?"

“I have!” Bastila said, far more loudly than she intended. Vasha flinched in surprise. Her hand flew from Bastila’s cheek. “I’ve thought about this nearly every night, I think about this whenever you look at me, Vasha- I- I’ve tried so hard, so hard to be a good Jedi, to follow the code, but _you_ -"

And suddenly Bastila was reeling. She was as bad as any of the Jedi who had fallen to the Sith in pursuit of their lovers. She had nearly given in to _carnal desires_. Of all the reasons to fall-

She stepped back, away from Vasha’s attempts to speak to her.

Worst of all, Bastila was _still talking_.

“You, and your damned jokes, and your grace, and how you find it all so _easy_ \- I _hate_ what you do to me! I hate that I _can’t_ hate it!"

“Bastila,” Vasha said, reaching out this time to put a hand on Bastila’s shoulder. Through the bond, Bastila could feel Vasha finding her center, pushing away emotion and trying to find the calm with which to reason with Bastila.

Bastila envied her so much. While Bastila was completely mired in her emotions, Vasha could find the presence of mind to calm herself. Even after _everything_ Revan had _done_ -

Viciously, triumphantly, Bastila thought, _Just try and be calm about this!_

She put her own hands on Vasha’s shoulders and kissed her.

It was off-center, and too hard, and Vasha had flinched, and it was not at all like the holos. Then Vasha’s hands came up to cradle her back.

Bastila could _feel_ Vasha’s smile against her lips. The older woman did something to align their faces, to bring their bodies tighter together, and Bastila’s hands tightened on Vasha’s shoulders until she held mostly robe.

Bastila broke away with a gasp.

Vasha kept her close. She pressed her cheek to hers, stroked her back- one of her hands had come up to cradle Bastila’s neck, when had that happened? Each touch was meant to soothe, but Bastila just found herself more confused than ever.

“See?” Vasha said softly. “Hush, Bastila, you’re all right, we’re both all right. The ship hasn’t collapsed. Your lightsaber hasn’t mysteriously grown a red crystal. We’re _fine_."

Slowly, Bastila let go of Vasha’s robes. Vasha seemed content to let her lean on her and gather herself.

It was nice, Bastila realized. It was very, very nice, to kiss Vasha. It was nice, too, to let herself be held like this, to feel Vasha’s contentment in holding her.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Bastila whispered.

“Everyone does things they shouldn’t. What matters is how we deal with the consequences."

“I think I’m in love with you."

Vasha turned her cheek into Bastila’s. A gentle- nuzzle? Had Revan just _nuzzled_ her? “I could say the same, my dear."

“I’m _terrified_."

“That’s where we differ,” Vasha said dryly. She kissed Bastila’s cheek. Bastila couldn’t remember if anyone had ever kissed her cheek- her father, perhaps? Maybe another youngling, practicing the cultural greetings of a core world? It was a gesture that had been denied to her.

“What’s on your mind?” Vasha asked quietly. “Talk to me."

“I…"

The Jedi preached that one should follow their instincts and let the force guide them. But Bastila’s instincts told her to kiss Vasha again. Or to unlatch Vasha’s belt, slide her hands into her robes, and seek out skin. To let Vasha do the same to her.

But the Jedi preached that passion wasn’t sense, wasn’t what the Jedi were supposed to listen to. Vasha did, but she was inexperienced, and headstrong, and Bastila-

Bastila was supposed to be teaching Vasha how to be a Jedi. She was supposed to be keeping Revan on the path. She wasn’t supposed to be letting Revan pull her off it.

“This was a mistake,” Bastila said, more clearly this time.

Pulling out of Vasha’s hard embrace was hard. Seeing the shock on Vasha’s face was harder.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have allowed that.”

Vasha shook her head and began to speak. Bastila held up her hand.

“I… I haven’t been the best teacher. When this is over, one that is better suited to you will be found.” 

“No,” Vasha breathed.

“Until then, I believe it is best if we focus on the mission."

With that, Bastila turned and fled. 

_Everyone does things they shouldn’t. What matters is how we deal with the consequences._

The damage she’d done to Vasha’s training- Revan’s re-training- could be fixed by a Master, she was sure. It would have to be.

Because Bastila had failed.

**Author's Note:**

> My poor children.


End file.
